"My daughter wants to live with me. Doesn't that decide it?" It is one of the most common questions in a parenting case, and the answer is a clear no — followed by a more useful "it depends."
The Child's Wishes Are One Factor
Colorado allocates parental responsibilities according to the best interests of the child, using the factors listed in C.R.S. § 14-10-124. One of those factors is the wishes of the child, if the child is sufficiently mature to express reasoned and independent preferences about the parenting time schedule. The words that matter are "sufficiently mature," "reasoned," and "independent."
There is no age at which a child's preference becomes controlling. A thoughtful fifteen-year-old who can articulate why one arrangement serves her school, her activities, and her relationships will carry real weight with the court. A seven-year-old who repeats what a parent said in the car will carry very little. The court is looking for a preference that reflects the child's own judgment, and it weighs that preference alongside every other factor — the child's relationships with each parent, adjustment to home and school, the parents' ability to cooperate, and the rest.
How the Court Hears From Children
Children almost never testify in open court, and Colorado judges strongly disfavor putting them on the stand. A child's voice usually reaches the judge in one of three ways:
- Through a child and family investigator or parental responsibilities evaluator, who interviews the child and reports on the child's views and their apparent independence
- Through a child's legal representative — an attorney appointed to advocate for the child's best interests — where the court has appointed one
- Through an interview with the judge in chambers, which Colorado law permits at the court's discretion, with a record made and counsel typically allowed to be present
Each channel filters the child's wishes through a professional's assessment of maturity and independence. That filter is the point. It protects the child from the pressure of choosing between parents in front of both of them, and it gives the court a view of whether the stated preference is really the child's.
Coaching Backfires
Judges, investigators, and evaluators have seen every version of a coached child, and they recognize it quickly: the rehearsed phrasing, the adult vocabulary, the complaints that track one parent's grievances exactly. When coaching is detected, courts do not simply discount the child's preference. They hold it against the coaching parent, because it speaks directly to that parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent — itself a best-interests factor. The strongest thing a parent can do for the case is let the child be a child.
Older Teenagers and Practical Reality
With older teenagers, the court's analysis meets practical reality. A seventeen-year-old who refuses to go to one parent's home cannot be physically compelled by a court order, and judges know it. Parenting plans for older teens often build in flexibility for that reason, and a parent seeking to enforce a schedule against a determined teenager should expect the court to look for solutions rather than sanctions.
What Parents Should Do
Support the child's relationship with the other parent, visibly and consistently. Keep the children out of the dispute — no discussion of the case, the finances, or the other parent's failings. If the child has strong feelings, let the professionals in the case hear them through the proper channel. And recognize that the child's preference, however strongly held, is one input into a decision the court will make on the whole picture.
Talk to a Denver Divorce Attorney Who Handles Complex Estates
Aaron Herzberg is a divorce attorney in Greenwood Village, Colorado, serving Denver and the Front Range, with more than 30 years of trial experience and a practice focused on high-net-worth and financially complex divorce. Parenting cases are decided on the whole picture, and presenting that picture well is the work.
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This publication is attorney advertising. It is educational information only, it is not legal advice, and it may not reflect the most current legal developments. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. No attorney-client relationship exists until a conflicts check is complete and both parties have signed a written engagement agreement.
Read the full guide on DenverDivorce.com: Parental Responsibilities (Custody) in Colorado.
